Okay Okay I know what you are thinking. It's not like that at all.
The Booby Rub is a symbolic gesture that started a couple of years ago. I have two boys that absolutely love video games. They also love leaving their crap all over the floor like typical boys do. If any of you out there know anything about Playstation games then you know where I'm going with this. My youngest would come running up to me with tears in his eyes saying "Momma, my game won't work." So I'd tell him to bring it to me, because I wasn't about to get up from my favorite position on the couch and interupt my favorite television program for a silly video game. AAANYWAY..."Well little guy I don't suppose all these fingerprints and scratches have anything to do with it not working." Exhausted I look around for something and it doesn't take me long to see what's literally right in front of my face, thus the Booby Rub was born. I took the CD rubbed it on my boob a couple of times and VOILA! Magic! The game was fixed.
Now every couple of days I'll hear him come running, just begging me for the Booby Rub.
Jul 31, 2009
The Booby Rub
Labels: Silly Things I Do
Jul 30, 2009
I Look Just Like Gwenyth Paltrow!
Labels: Humor MeI know all you thicker gals out there can totally relate to what I'm saying.
You walk into Burger King to get yourself a nice juicy cheeseburger, because you haven't eaten all day. No need to look at the menu-you know what you want.
You order and give the cashier the exact change needed. What? So what, I've been here before. I just happen to like the doublecheeseburger with bacon value meal go big with a chocolate shake and oh yeah could you give me some ranch on the side for my fries. Oh why not add three of those Otis Spunkmeyer Macadamia Nut Cookies that just came out of the oven. God I love those cookies and afterall, there is a deal if you buy three. I'll save them for later. I didn't eat breakfast so it should be okay. Standing there waiting feels like an eternity, you know you must have lost 5 pounds today...I mean you didn't eat breakfast and it is 2pm in the afternoon. Oh that's right forgot about the quick candybar I picked up at Walmart. Well, I need more than a measly candybar to get me throught the day. Ok so here is my food finally!
You sit down at one of the tables with pull out chairs, because whoever designed those stupid booths must have been a toothpick. Who the hell can fit in one of those things. Anyway, back to my mouth watering cheeseburger. I get all comfy and have everything laid out in it's place. The ranch is open and next to the fries, the cheeseburger wrapper is laid out flat, and my shake is two inches from my left hand. Okay, now GO! Oh My God! This is the best burger I have ever had. I can't eat it fast enough. I am so glad that I skipped breakfast. You are in total heaven and then...
You look up to see the most beautiful man staring right at you. You know what he is thinking. You can see his thoughts on his face. He's looking at you with that curled up top lip and his eyebrows are raised. You slowly put the burger down and wipe your mouth. God! WHY? Why does ther always have to be a hotty around when I decide to shove food in my face. You are instantly no longer hungry. You feel like you just grew twice as big as you were when you walked in there. You think to yourself "What would a skinny person do?" Well I could go make myself throw up, but that would be gross and if I throw all this yummy food away it would be a waste of money. I could pretend to call a friend on my cell phone and talk real loud. I could mention that I didn't eat breakfast. He would understand then. I mean a girl has to eat sometime, right? Oh, I guess I'll just get a to-go bag and get outta here.
Once you are in your car you indulge yourself again in this lucious cheeseburger. No one can see you now so you can eat in peace. You can't stop thinking about the look on his face. He was probably thinking 'That fat cow needs another meal! She looks like she bought out the restaurant. Doesn't she look in the mirror before she leaves the house. STOP EATING FATSO!
Screw HIM! Who does he think he is anyway. What makes him a better person than me. He has no idea who I am. I have a great sense of humor. I'm funny and nice to people. I have a lot of friends. He probably has a small penis anyway :) What a jerk! You know maybe he wasn't thinking that anyway. Maybe he was staring at me, because he thought I looked just like Gwenyth Paltrow. A lot of my friends have told me that. Maybe he thought I was so beautiful that he just couldn't look away. I bet that was it.
Gosh, why do I over react! Where are those cookies? They are best with a glass of milk :)
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You walk into Burger King to get yourself a nice juicy cheeseburger, because you haven't eaten all day. No need to look at the menu-you know what you want.
You order and give the cashier the exact change needed. What? So what, I've been here before. I just happen to like the doublecheeseburger with bacon value meal go big with a chocolate shake and oh yeah could you give me some ranch on the side for my fries. Oh why not add three of those Otis Spunkmeyer Macadamia Nut Cookies that just came out of the oven. God I love those cookies and afterall, there is a deal if you buy three. I'll save them for later. I didn't eat breakfast so it should be okay. Standing there waiting feels like an eternity, you know you must have lost 5 pounds today...I mean you didn't eat breakfast and it is 2pm in the afternoon. Oh that's right forgot about the quick candybar I picked up at Walmart. Well, I need more than a measly candybar to get me throught the day. Ok so here is my food finally!
You sit down at one of the tables with pull out chairs, because whoever designed those stupid booths must have been a toothpick. Who the hell can fit in one of those things. Anyway, back to my mouth watering cheeseburger. I get all comfy and have everything laid out in it's place. The ranch is open and next to the fries, the cheeseburger wrapper is laid out flat, and my shake is two inches from my left hand. Okay, now GO! Oh My God! This is the best burger I have ever had. I can't eat it fast enough. I am so glad that I skipped breakfast. You are in total heaven and then...
You look up to see the most beautiful man staring right at you. You know what he is thinking. You can see his thoughts on his face. He's looking at you with that curled up top lip and his eyebrows are raised. You slowly put the burger down and wipe your mouth. God! WHY? Why does ther always have to be a hotty around when I decide to shove food in my face. You are instantly no longer hungry. You feel like you just grew twice as big as you were when you walked in there. You think to yourself "What would a skinny person do?" Well I could go make myself throw up, but that would be gross and if I throw all this yummy food away it would be a waste of money. I could pretend to call a friend on my cell phone and talk real loud. I could mention that I didn't eat breakfast. He would understand then. I mean a girl has to eat sometime, right? Oh, I guess I'll just get a to-go bag and get outta here.
Once you are in your car you indulge yourself again in this lucious cheeseburger. No one can see you now so you can eat in peace. You can't stop thinking about the look on his face. He was probably thinking 'That fat cow needs another meal! She looks like she bought out the restaurant. Doesn't she look in the mirror before she leaves the house. STOP EATING FATSO!
Screw HIM! Who does he think he is anyway. What makes him a better person than me. He has no idea who I am. I have a great sense of humor. I'm funny and nice to people. I have a lot of friends. He probably has a small penis anyway :) What a jerk! You know maybe he wasn't thinking that anyway. Maybe he was staring at me, because he thought I looked just like Gwenyth Paltrow. A lot of my friends have told me that. Maybe he thought I was so beautiful that he just couldn't look away. I bet that was it.
Gosh, why do I over react! Where are those cookies? They are best with a glass of milk :)
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