This blog is dedicated to all the fat chicks out there that get counted out, because of their weight. I want to share my advice, experiences, ups, downs, awesome websites, special deals, and anything else that pops into my mind. Most importantly I hope I can make you laugh. Everybody needs to laugh :0D

Sep 29, 2010

Love to Hate


I would hate you IF I didn't love you so much.

WHY do you always drink out of the milk jug and then leave it somewhere for me to find?

WHY do you always throw my pillow on the floor and never pick it back up?

WHY do you take your nasty smelly socks off and leave them in a ball?

WHY do you trim your nose hairs and leave them in the bathroom sink?

WHY do you refuse to order your own fries and then eat mine?

WHY do you always want sex when I don't?

WHY do you refuse to do what I ask until I turn into Super Bitch?

WHY do you look at me like I don't have the right to be Super Bitch?

WHY do you act like YOUR birthday is the most important day of the year?

WHY do you take my car and leave the gas tank on empty?

WOW there are so many whys I could go all day, but I think this last one sums it up...

WHY do you have to be such a


I never understood the saying, "There is fine line between love and hate." I think I have a pretty good handle on it now though. I would really frickin' hate you IF I didn't love you sooooo much!

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Sep 22, 2010

THE GYNO!!!!!!!


I have three letters for you: I U D. Let me tell you a little story about my crazy life. About 5 years ago after I had my youngest son the doctor told me "Mrs. Grace, NO MORE BABIES!" and I said "WHATEVER!" (I may have slightly been in denial) I decided to let the doctor talk me into getting an IUD. After all, it was safer than the pill and as soon as she said, "NO PERIOD" I said, "SIGN ME UP!" I would like to say that is the end of my happy little story, but NO that would not be my life. it is now time to have this little sucker removed and "HELL YEAH, I want another one put in." No period for 5 years has been heaven. So here is my journey:


Visit 1:
1st Doctor: "Mrs. Grace. I can not seem to find the strings. I am going to have to send you to another doctor that is more equipped to get it out."

Me: "MMMM.......Okay."


Visit 2:
2nd Doctor: "Oh I am sorry Mrs. Grace. I thought someone told you that we have to order the replacement IUD first. Since you are here though let me see if you I can find it...hmmmm I can not seem to see the strings. Let's get an ultrasound and make sure it's still in place. (3 hours and 20 ultrasound pictures later) Yep it's still there."

By the way they did an internal ultrasound --- it looks like a giant dildo with a condom on it.

Me: "I didn't get this many pictures when I had my boys." After I got home I told the husband, "Well Honey, You are gonna be a dad! (showed him the pictures) Let's call him Mr. T."


Visit 3:

3rd Doctor: "Well Mrs. Grace, I do not normally take an IUD out and put another one in on the same visit, because insurance does not cover it. I see that you have been here a few times though."

Me: "REALLY, Well no one told me that. That really sucks."

 3rd Doctor: "Let me just check and see if I can find it. I'll try to remove it today and then you can come back and have another one put in." (After 3 great attempts) "I just can't get a hold of it and I do not want to put you through anymore pain. I will have you come back and we will try on the ultrasound so I can see what I am doing."

Me: "Wonderful! I can't wait!"


Visit 4:

3rd Doctor: "Okay so I am going to go in while you are on the ultrasound and hopefully we can get a hold of it and pull it out. You have been through so much that I will go ahead and put the other one in during this visit."

Me: "Gee Thanks! Are you good at video games? If you are good at video games then you should be able to get this."

3rd Doctor: "I'm sorry Mrs. Grace, I will have to go in with a camera and remove it. I can not seem to find the strings."

Me: "WTF! Fine!"


 3rd Doctor: "After all of this do you still want me to put the other one in?"

Me: "SHIT YEAH! 5 years without a period. You have no idea."

I have had more things stuck in me than a prostitute on Valentine's Day.  I have come to a conclusion though and think that this would look good on a t-shirt or billboard:


Nobody squeezes harder
or reaches deeper.

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Sep 8, 2010



I know I skipped out on all of you and I am so sorry. I would like to say that my life has been awesomely busy that I just haven't had time for blogging, but I think we all know that would be big fat lie (no pun intended). I have missed you all in my attempt to jump back into Corporate America. Long story short ---- it chewed me up and spit me out. I forgot how political everything is. As my daddy always use to say, "It's not who you know, but who you blow." Needless to say my husband wouldn't let me share my awesome talents, so I am jobless yet again :o(    I am sitting her wondering what stay ay home moms do? I am so not a house cleaner...WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO? I don't really know, but I guess I'll have to figure it out. I am looking forward to chatting will all of you....I've so missed my blogger friends.

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