This blog is dedicated to all the fat chicks out there that get counted out, because of their weight. I want to share my advice, experiences, ups, downs, awesome websites, special deals, and anything else that pops into my mind. Most importantly I hope I can make you laugh. Everybody needs to laugh :0D

Dec 3, 2010

I Miss My Old Self!!!


My hysterical 6 year old sat on the couch with a serious, sad face and said,

Son: "Mommy, I miss my old self."

It was all I could do not to laugh...this was a serious moment after all.

Me: "Well, which old self is that?" (after all he is only 6 years old)

Son: "The self that I was back when I was 5."

Me: "Well, Honey that was a long time ago and people change. Why do you feel that way?"

Son: "I was a better kid then."

Me: "I think you are pretty great right now."

Son: "Yeah I am, but I was better then."

Me: "Oh, I love you  bean." (Yeah I call him bean, not really sure why).

This got me to thinking. You know this is a serious thought for such a little man to have. Between my laughter, I actually, kind of, felt sorry for him. I often feel like I miss my old self. Back when I was 5, well maybe not that young, but before I lost my virginity...he was a real asshole. Gosh, the things I could change, but then I started thinking about that movie Click and got scared. I might have actually ended up successful had I done things differently and then I couldn't enjoy my trailer park life now. That would be tragic! Okay my life isn't that bad...but I do wonder sometimes.

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Nov 4, 2010

I'm not good at ANYTHING!


            Well I am good at something, but that's not the point of this post. SITS is giving away a camera so you know I am all up in that. They want me to share something that I have created for Halloween. Well I can't really share a baked good, since the last time I cooked, I burnt fish sticks. (No they were not home made...they were frozen) Yeah can stop laughing now. So I guess that leaves crafts...mmmm...well, I don't own a sewing machine for a reason. I would probably sew my boob to something. I did sew a stuffed animal by hand once, but that was a rabbit that couldn't keep it's legs closed ;)
           Okay so are you ready for what I came up with? Are you sure? You ARE ready? Okay well here it goes...this is brilliant, so feel free to steal the idea. (God knows I did). Okay, well....her it is:

Do you know what it is? Here is a hint: You can eat it.

Wow! I can't believe you guessed it so fast. You are right...
It's a Lollipop Ghost. Pretty crafty huh? I know, I's hard being me.

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Halloween Long Ago!


With the ending of another Halloween, trick or treating, craziness I long for the Halloweens of long ago. That and I want to win a camera from SITS who just happens to offer the best blogging tips ever, by the way Tiffany is Pretty (you'll have to go to their site to understand my randomness).

              It's a cold rainy night, but I can feel the excitement rise up in my back. I love going Trick or Treating, I just wished everybody could see my Strawberry Shortcake costume that my mom made for me. It's awesome, but I have to wear this winter jacket or I'll freeze. I guess I'll just have to open it every time I get to the door. They just have to see it.
              My aunt pulls up in her van and my sister, mother, and I all hop in. This is going to be awesome...I can't believe how much candy I am going to get. My aunt slowly drives house to house as we hop out and run to the door, "Trick or Treat." Wow! A snickers bar...I love them, they are so nummy. "I really like going to this house." This goes on for a couple hours with us jumping out and back in with our new candy treasures. Then mom asks us the question we have been waiting for, "Do you want to stop at grandma's?"
"Well YES mom! She's gives us the best, most tastiest, popcorn balls ever!." You see she makes hers with molasses, not carmel. They are my favorite. We pull up out front of grandma's house and we don't even wait for the van to come to a complete stop before we whip open the door and run to grandma. She picks on us, "Well who do we have here? Do I know you? Well of course I do. I didn't recognize you in your costumes. Come in so i can get you a special treat." I love the way grandma's house smells. It always smells like she is baking, whether she is or not. Her popcorn balls are the only thing we are allowed to eat before we go home so daddy can "check" our candy. She gives us one to eat right away and one for the road. "I love you grandma."
            It's time to head back home with a pumpkin so full that we had to empty it into a paper bag half way through the night. My dad is waiting for us so he can do the most important thing  before we eat any candy. He needs to check it to make sure it's safe. I love my daddy, he always takes the "unsafe" candy and eats it so that we can't get sick :)

I love Halloween.

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Meet Mr. Awesome!


I know you must be dieing to meet the man behind the mystery, the one who makes us all laugh until we have "happy tears", the one that drives me crazy! So here he is....

Don't let his cuteness fool you. There is a mastermind behind that little face.

I think you can see why I laugh at him so much when he says the craziest things :)

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Oct 29, 2010

I DID IT!!!!! I Really Did It!


Giveaways with Grace

I started another website. Don't get your panties in a bunch I am still keeping this one, because let's face it...I need a place where I can swear, rant, rave, and embarrass my children. Plus I like all my blogger friends that I have found through this blog. If you like me when I am this bad then you'll love me on my other site. I just started it so don't get all judgemental when you check it out. It's a work in progress and I still have some content to add. Oh you want to know what kind of site it is, well it's the best kind...a giveaway site. Why? Because as hard as it is for you all to believe I am quite opinionated...yeah I know it's a shock, but we'll get through it together. I like giving people reviews on products and just about anything else. I pretty much have an opinion about everything. So go check it out and love me more...

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Oct 25, 2010

Step Dad?


My six year old son is a laugh a minute. I have no idea where he gets his ideas from or his vocabulary. This is a conversation we had this past week.

Son: "Mom, I want Coach Jason to be my step dad."

Me: (Look at my husband and snicker) "Well okay...Do you know what would have to happen in order for that to happen?"

Son: Looks at me like he's ready to drop a turd.

Me: "I would have to divorce daddy and marry Coach Jason."

Son: "Okay"

Me: (roll eyes and laugh, drop subject)

Next Day,

Son: "Mom I really want Coach Jason to be my step dad."

Me: "Sweetheart, that means Riley ( Coach Jason's son who just happens to be in the same class) would be your brother."

Son: "SWEET! Would Spencer still be my brother?"

Me: "Yes, Spencer will always be your brother."

Son: "That means (BIG SMILE) my last name would be Dunlap."

Me: "Well what would Riley's mom and daddy do? They would be all alone and lonely."

Son: "They could marry each other."

Me: "Well, I'm glad we got that settled."

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Oct 21, 2010

We DON"T Do Cards


                     Ten years and two weeks ago today we buried my best friend. I can't believe it has been that long. WOW! I still miss you daddy like it was yesterday. (yes I call him daddy and I am a grown woman...F@#* you for judging me.) There are so many things I would love to share with you. I love you.
                     Ten years ago today I married my new best friend. Yes your math is right. I got married two weeks after my father died. My dad always knew what was best for me and he made me promise the wedding would still happen. I can still hear my mother saying, "You promised your father." I didn't know at the time that my husband would turn into my best friend. I didn't think I needed one, because I always had my daddy. Well here I sit ten years later thankful that he came in to my life when he did.
                      If you know my husband(which you don't) you would know that he is not good at expressing feelings and he is never mushy. I can never remember him giving me a card for any occasion. He has always said that they are too expensive and he doesn't want to waste the money on them when he can put the money towards a gift. I have always been okay with that and after about five years I stopped buying cards too. (okay so maybe it took me awhile to adjust)As you all know we are poor right now due to me being out of work. Can you imagine my surprise when I sent to the bathroom at 4 a.m. this morning and there sat a rose bush and.... you guessed it! A card. You say, "So f#@$*&^ what?" and I say, "Go to hell." But we don't do cards! Let me tell you something, this was the sweetest gesture he could have made. The card was not real mushy, but it made the statement that he has such a hard time expressing himself. He told me he ADORED me. That's right, read em' and weep. Are you jealous? You should be. So many men love their wives, but how many ADORE them. Oh yes, I'm lucky. I know what you are thinking...How can anyone adore you? Well let me just say that I am adorable (oops I just made a funny) Yes not so little me is actually on the receiving end of adoration. Can life get any better than this? (well yes if I was working, but let's not ruin the moment).

I Love You Baby!!!!

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